The Dreaded Return

To Reality, that is.  When Buff Honey and I left Florida a month ago, I was in mourning, leaving that pristine brand spanking new home with the heaven sent pool and spa, albeit with an occasional slithering uninvited pet.

Before my kids, grandkids and friends get indignant, I have to temper my sadness at returning with the thrill of being with family, hanging out at my favorite local haunts with friends and cheering those fabulous Baltimore Orioles!

In Florida, we decided I would sell my townhouse and move in with my guy.  I don’t love his house....it’s a man cave ranch in need of beyond serious updating.  His claim to fame?  He has a 40 year old refrigerator covered with rust but....it’s still working!  Okay, throw in the stove, washing machine, central heat and air.  Voila!  Well over 150 years of appliance wear.  No couch in the living room....two lazy boys and a 55 inch flat screen TV.  Getting the picture?

Contrast that with my house which I have updated with granite kitchen countertops, ceramic tile kitchen and bathroom floors, hardwoods sanded and sealed, new paint in most of the rooms, and a stove, dishwasher and washing machine less than a year old.
By the way, I do have a couch in the living room.

My claim to fame?  Three televisions each well over 15 years old....the huge ones that probably weigh 100 pounds each.  Can you tell I’m not a big TV viewer?  Only sports and public television.  I used to watch news shows.  Now, I absolutely can’t tolerate them.  What happened to balanced reporting?  No wonder there’s so much hatred in Washington.  We elect people who only want to diss their enemies in the other political party.  The good of the country???  Gone.

Okay.  I’m off my soapbox now.

What I was dreading upon our return was all the frigging work that accompanies putting your house on the market.  HATE IT!!!  I’ve done it numerous times the last time being 2005 when I sold my house to move to a townhouse.  Kids in college or launched.  Just me...whee!!  Before that it was 1988.  Pregnant with two kids.  Before that I was a gypsy moving practically every year.

The last move out of a four bedroom house with minimal help and 18 years of accumulating stuff.  Okay, some good stuff like family mementos, favorite books, boxes of kids’ artwork and school papers.  But, really, what do you need?

I made 18 trips to the landfill aka dump, more to Goodwill, sold or gave away furniture.  I had learned my lesson.  I am now a minimalist, tossing out unneeded clothes every year and seriously reducing my consumption.

Or so it seemed until I started getting ready to put this one on the market.  Already multiple Goodwill receipts, donations of boxes of books to the county library...I cannot throw out a book....there’s just something sacriligious about that.  I have reduced my two walk-in bedroom closets to one.  I look in boxes and say to myself...”I haven’t looked in this box for 8 years, why do I still have this?”

My first landfill run was a memorable one.  Home Depot had no trucks to rent so I called my ace-in-the-hole friend who has a 1989 Ford pickup truck.  Of course, the truck’s not in use....it’s 24 years old, isn’t that an antique?  He says to come over and he’ll show us how to drive it.  It stalls at stops or around corners and the power steering goes off; the trailer hatch doesn’t work all that well and the passenger door might swing open going around corners.  Oh, and don’t drive it over 55.  Is that all???  Okay, we’re in business.

It only stalls once on the way home.  Loading those 100 pound gorilla TVs was the worst....rolling them down my 15 front steps almost killed my relationship...just kidding.  We had to make two trips, there was so much stuff.  We lost a port-a-crib on a major highway...flew out and lucky for me it didn’t hit anyone!  I feel like I’m on a first name basis with the landfill guy.  “Oh, you’re back!” he greets me with a toothless grin, “You know what to do.”

All in all, the truck worked out great...only stalled four times, once around a corner getting onto a highway...that was a little scary.  But, we did it and all I felt was this tremendous relief.  More stuff gone.

Now, the major cleaners are coming in next and then I’ll interview some real estate agents or just put the house on the market myself....I was a realtor once another lifetime ago.

But, I’m exhausted.  Transitions are backbreaking.  I’m seeing light at the end of that tunnel.

Then, I start on the man cave.  HELP!!!