It's Coming

Older age, that is.  One of our conversation topics is parents in their 80s and 90s...the heartaches, yes, but some of it is just so damn funny.

My friend, Hannah, is dealing with her mom, who is in her mid-80s, in assisted living mainly because she has severe memory issues aka Alzheimer’s.  Hannah gets all her mail, takes care of her bills.  Her mom, by the way, has no idea what direct deposit is.

One day, she gets a $20 annual fee charge on her mom’s credit card.  What???  Why pay this fee when she never uses the card?  She calls Chase or Capital One or Bank of America....whatever it was.  “Ma’am, we cannot take the fee off unless we speak directly to the cardholder.”  Hannah tried to convince them that her mom was in no shape to respond to their questions.  Of course, they were relentless.

What choice does she have?  She calls them back from her mom’s apartment and puts her on the phone.  “We have just a few simple questions for you to answer, okay?”

“Is your name Minnie Steinberg?”

“Speak English!” Minnie yells into the phone.  Of course, they’re calling from India.
Undaunted, they try the next question.

“Are you working, not working, or retired?”

“I am sooo tired.  Thank you for asking.”  

There’s a pause and they try again.

“What is your income, Mrs. Steinberg?”

“I have no idea.  My daughter stole all my money.”

At this point, Hannah gets on the phone laughing hysterically, “I’ll pay the $20!”

My friend, Jill, has an older brother...not quite 70 and they were watching one of those oh-so-serene Viagra commercials one day and he turns to her and says, “I’d take one of those blue pills but then I’d have to put it somewhere.”

Okay....guess he hasn’t checked out Sun City aka Sin City.  Evidently, the VD rate is off the charts.  Geez, you hear stories of all kinds of weird behavior, including women traveling around in golf carts NUDE!!!  Can you get a picture of that???

As my kids would say, “EWWWW!”  I know, I know....TMI!!!

It’s coming....