Need a makeover? Well, yeah….at 66, who doesn’t? Delete the crow’s feet, slice off the wattle, stretch the crepe-y skin, get that tummy tuck that’s every celebrity’s must-have post pregnancy op and voila! you’re 30 again! At 30, I was a single mom, working and going to college full-time, self-medicating in a wholly unhealthy way. I’m not interested in being 30…66 is just fine with me.
But, the makeover is not about me, it’s all about the kitchen. It seems so easy, right? Just go on the Home Deport website, comparison shop for the appliances, pick the ones you want, and put it on the credit card. Free installation, delivery and remove the old hogger. Can it be any simpler???
First, the refrigerator comes. “Lady, I can’t install it because the the water line for the ice maker isn’t right behind the refrigerator.” BH points out that it’s in the cabinet under the sink and the line runs behind the refrigerator. “Nope, can’t do it.”
This is when I know I have Irish blood. I see this beautiful new refrigerator and ugly, moldy old one and they’re telling me they can’t take the old one and install the new one??!! I call his supervisor and she tells me I can install it myself…in a nice way. Okay, fine. They remove the old one, plug in the new one and we reconnect the water line. It only leaks for two days. Success.
Next, there’s the matter of the new gas stove. Grant you, gas is a little more complicated than plugging into the wall. The morning they come, I’m out of the house. No worries, BH is there. My last words, “Please make sure they take the old one.” Three hours later, I walk in the house and the old one’s still there and the new one’s taken up residency in the dining room. NOOOO!
BH tells me the installers are coming the next day and will take the old one. He’s skeptical and I’m downright cynical. I call again. They reassure me the old one will be removed.
This time, BH is out and I’m home alone when they appear. No warning call to say they’ll be there in 30 minutes, which allegedly is standard procedure. But, I let them in anyway. Is that smart? Of course not, but I’m desperate for a new stove that is self-cleaning, since the old one is probably 40 years old and has never been cleaned!
“Lady, you have no shut off valve.” Really? Who knew? “No problem, we’ll install one for another $75.” Ka-ching. Great. Mo money, mo money. “Where’s the gas meter?” Like I have any frigging idea!? “No worries, we’ll find it.” So, they look all over the basement and the outside of the house. The dark side of me is thinking: are they really looking for the meter or just casing the joint? “We found it in the back of the house.” Good. Next?
“Do you have a carbon monoxide detector?” Again, no clue. “We can install the range but you’re going to be inspected by the Washington Suburban Sanitary Commission so make sure you have one.” Magic words: “We can install the range.” That’s all I need to hear. I leap for joy as they haul away the old one!
I picked out ceramic tile flooring at HD and they measured last week. I paid $35 for them to measure, which will be deducted from the final cost of installation. When they call to give me the final estimate, it’s $600 more than the original one. I tell them I’m going to shop around some more. I’m out $35. Rats! BH tells me to try a local flooring store he used for carpets a few years ago. I check them out. Their estimate comes in $400 under HD’s. Different flooring but I like it better. They don’t charge for measuring. “You got me at hello.” I really like this guy. He gives me a card for a guy who just installed his new kitchen countertops. “He may not be the most organized, but you’ll save at least 50%.” Now, I’m in love.
I’m at the library writing this, while BH waits for the new over the range microwave to be delivered. Someone should call shortly for an installation time frame. They’re supposed to take the old one….I think. There’s always a little surprise in the small print.
I think I’m done with Home Depot. From now on, my money’s on the little guys!
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