One Last Shot

I admit it.  I’m obsessed.  With my weight….I guess, like a lot of women.  But, I obsess over being obsessed.  I’m in my late 60s….is there any chance things will really change at this point?  I mean, really….it’s been 30 years since my last childbirth.

Every year, I make the same resolutions….eat healthy, exercise daily.  Totally unoriginal.  I use my Lose It app most days, measure my steps.  Same old, same old.  Unfortunately, same old results.  Not much difference.

I envy my skinny friends who jumped right back into their skinny jeans after their last baby and kept it off.  Just disgusting.

Part of my obsession is that I was the skinniest girl in high school and for years afterwards.  Didn’t hit 100 pounds until I was in my mid 30s.  My metabolism was crazy.  I would come home, eat a family size bag of potato chips and never gain an ounce.

My parents were so worried about my weight they tried all kinds of remedies, including an ounce of cod liver oil everyday… the most vile tasting thing I ever had in my life. Then there was the period where my mom made me drink a milkshake with a raw egg in it every night.  I hate eggs so that milkshake didn’t stay down long.

Now, however, my metabolism has absolutely disappeared.  Not a good thing for a girl who’s only 5 feet tall.  Just like both of my grandmothers who didn’t lose the weight either.

I know what my issues are.  French fries and potato chips.  Oh, and then there’s the red wine and the dark chocolate.  I remember once trying the South Beach diet and wine was banned for the first 10 days.  Couldn’t do it.  I’m not proud of that, mind you, but my will power was lacking.

I did Weight Watchers for several months years ago and that was helpful but I wasn’t crazy about weighing in every week and listening to everyone’s success stories.  Also, my weight was on the high side of normal so my loss was agonizingly slow.  And nobody wanted to hear my story.

Recently, the craze was Garcinia Cambogia extract, “an exciting weight loss breakthrough in natural weight loss.”  Thank you, Dr. Oz.  Just more garbage claims that have resulted in multiple pharmaceutical companies increasing their take from desperate people trying to lose it.  I am through with you, Dr. Oz.  Total bunk.

My cousin, the one who teaches in Islamabad, posted a picture of himself with an obnoxious protruding stomach on Facebook last summer.  A “Before” picture.  He swore he had to lose 30 pounds and was going on the 5:2 intermittent fasting diet.  Fasting?!  I can’t even imagine doing anything like that.  But, he has discipline to spare….I think he got the better gene pool.

It works like this.  Two days a week, you cut your calorie intake significantly….500 for women, 600 for men.  The other five days you eat normally.  500 calories.  Well, that would be one boiled egg, one banana, a cup of cottage cheese, and an apple.  Voila!  That’s it.  And you do not increase your intake by the amount of exercise you’re doing.

If you don’t starve yourself to death, this definitely has to work!  No more fries, chips, chocolate and red wine on those days.  This is my resolution for 2016.  I’m still doing the strength training and the cardio daily but now I’m adding this 5:2 diet.  Of course, I live with my dear Buff Honey who loves his Cracker Barrel 3,229 calories Baked Apple Dumpling dessert and still gains no weight thanks to a metabolism that functions just fine due to his fitness routine.

But, he’s the best.  On my fast days, he doesn’t tempt me with his fresh baked chocolate chip cookies or grilled steak.  Last night, he commented, “I don’t know if you’re losing weight but you’re sure losing inches.”  Hopefully, that was a reference to my waist.

So, this is it.  One last shot at returning to Skinnyland.