Hell No We Won't Go

No, no, no, I’m not on the picket line or chanting in some anti-Trump rally but, God knows, if I was younger I sure as hell would be.  No, it’s all about uprooting myself again.

Buff Honey and I are all about looking at homes for sale, especially, now that he’s sold that gold mine in Maryland.  We found a couple who are great real estate agents and the guy just happened to graduate from the same high school in Columbia that all thee of my children graduated from.  

We live in this fantasy world that some perfect, waterfront property will magically appear on the island of Venice for an affordable price.  I would be mortified to tell you how many homes we’ve looked at.  It’s always the same dilemma.  We’re looking at older homes that’ve allegedly been ‘completely’ renovated with low ceilings, different flooring in every room, a master ensuite the size of a small closet, a choppy floor plan.  Only $700k and, of course, no water in sight.  OR, we’re looking at new construction on a postage stamp lot where you can reach out and touch your neighbors for only $1,000,000.  As I stated earlier, “Hell no, we won’t go!”

In our world, we want privacy.  Enough privacy to skinny dip if it struck our fancy.  I hear my kids, “EWWWW, MOM!!”  Not to worry, I promise not to subject you all to that!  BH wants some acreage….maybe 3 acres, mostly with natural, overgrown Florida flora with a very tiny lawn to mow and a huge lanai with a pool and outdoor kitchen….somewhat ridiculous since neither of us ever spend more than 10 minutes in our regular kitchen.  He wants at least a 3 car garage and high ceilings and an open floor plan.  We both watch HGTV way too much, since we can’t stomach the news anymore!

Then, I think, why in the world are we looking at a bigger property when we are in our 70s??!!  How about a nice beachfront condo?  So, we looked at a couple and they were lovely but they didn’t really have a view of the water and the condo fees were over $800 a month.  That just sounds way out there to me….didn’t include taxes, insurance, cable or a housekeeper, chauffeur and cook.   

 At Christmas time, BH went back to Maryland and stayed with his daughter, who bought this mini-mansion, complete with a gorgeous, guest suite which is better than staying in a 5-star hotel.  Recently, they added a movie room in their finished basement.  Well, needless to say, my cinephile fell completely in love!!  

He admitted to our friends, Jackie and Dan, who, along with me, question whether he’s serious about ever moving out of Stoneybrook, that he’d really like that movie room but knows he needs a mini-mansion to execute that.  OMG!  Seriously?!  And…he claims he’s found a possibility in a youngish development, The Forest at Hi Hat Ranch about 15 miles from our place. 
 

On our of our few no bridge days, we drive out to see this place.  The lots range between 3 and 6 acres.  About half of the homesites are still for sale and a few of the homes are now resales, ranging from $950,000 to $1.4 million.  Of course, he’s interested in the $950,000 one.  Unfortunately, it’s the only property that has NO POOL and no landscaping….a bare 5 acres with most of the land in the front of the house.  And, the only house that has no privacy…your neighbors are close even though there is acreage to spare.  But, he’s fine with it, rationalizing we can put in a pool, add landscaping…blah, blah, blah.  This, from the man, who doesn’t even like to mow our postage stamp lot regularly.  

There are no amenities like a community center, a golf course, a fitness studio.  You know, the typical Florida accoutrements.  But, we’re fine with that.  No real need so then I look up the financials.  Bear in mind, this place has been on the market for over a year and has been reduced by $250,000 and still no interest.  So, we’d have to add a pool and lanai and landscaping.  “But, we could build the pool and customize it to exactly what we wanted, just like our neighbors across the street,” explains my guy.  I truly can’t believe my ears ….wow, he must really want this movie room!  Then, I notice that the taxes are $12k annually.  

Kills the deal.  Basically, the entire yearly cost of our current abode is just double the taxes on the Hi Hat manse.  Our life is too good…a 5 year old affordable house in a community with nature preserves closer to the beach and downtown Venice with a pool, spa, and plenty of room for two people and guests. 

Suffice it to say, “Hell no, we won’t go!”