Amazing Grace

You may recall that I had to reschedule my trip to Cassadage, the winter home of the best mediums in the world.  That day was, unfortunately, plagued by torrential downpours all over the state, so I did not fancy driving over three hours to my destination.  The new date was this past Wednesday.

I’ve been visiting Cassadage since I was 19 years old…over 50 years and counting.  There are decades when I never went and then there were turbulent times when I visited more often, generally, for solace and confirmation.  I couldn’t tell you how many different mediums I’ve seen, but I can tell you I’ve never been disappointed.

My first visit was pretty stunning….in a good way and a very bad way.  As soon as we started, the medium began coughing and clearing her throat.  “Do you have a male relative who passed because of a throat problem?”  I knew immediately it was my great grandfather who died when I was around 5 or 6 who I visited in Mobile, Alabama when he was quite ill with throat cancer.  At the time, I had dropped out of college.

His message to me was that he saw me speaking in front of people and I should go back to school.  At the time, I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life and teaching and speaking in front of people had no appeal to me.  Even at that young age, many of my female peers were hopping on the marriage and baby train.  But, fortunately, no one was that interested in me and vice versa.

That was the good part.  Of course, I enrolled in classes immediately.  The bad part was about my grandmother.  The medium told me that she was very ill and terminal.  About ten years earlier, she had been diagnosed with breast cancer but had surgery and recovered.  But, this part of the reading, just undid me.  I adored my grandmother.  From day one, she had encouraged me.  Her positivity helped me to overcome my own mother’s negativity.  When I shared this with my mother, she called the reading the “devil’s work.”  Sadly, the following month, my beloved grandmother was diagnosed with colon cancer and shortly after that, it metastasized and she was gone within a year.  So much for the “devil’s work.”

I will say that is the only reading where I received such a catastrophic message.  That’s not to say all the readings are sweetness and light.  To the contrary, I get messages about staying away from red wine, standing up for myself and advice about relationships that I, in hindsight, consider fairly toxic.

Fast forward from 1966 to 2019.  I was definitely feeling a bit apprehensive about this reading.  After all, this is the first one since my mom passed in September.  I didn’t know if she would come and if she did, what her message would be for me.  Our relationship was tenuous at best.  There were times when I felt for my own peace of mind, I should just cut her out of my life. I still had vivd images of physical and emotional abuse.  There was pretty much nothing about me that she agreed with:  my politics, my childrearing, my marriages, my life’s work.  The Bible said a woman’s place was in the home, not in the workplace.

And, so, for decades I tried to maintain a polite relationship.  I looked for what we had in common and stuck to those topics.  When I visited, we had a to-do list of things we enjoyed together.  What would our conversation be now that she’s gone?

I greeted my medium with a hug and a smile.  She started the reading with the Lord’s Prayer and, immediately, asked, “Has your mother passed?”  I nodded that she had.  “She has a very strong energy, a ‘my way or the highway’ kind of energy.”  Yep.  That’s Mom alright.

“She wants to tell you what happened when she died.  She says she had a slight headache and decided to lie down on the couch.  That’s the last thing she remembers until she ‘awoke’ to find her mother standing next to her.  Her mother held out her hand and said, ‘Let’s go.’  It was all very peaceful.”  This is exactly how we found her….lying on her couch, no signs of struggle anywhere.  She had high blood pressure…the only medication she was on at age 92.  She was independent until her last breath.  Exactly how she wanted it.

“You were my wild child,” she relates.  I laugh.  “I’m sorry.  I love you.  I am sorry for so many things.  I tried to stifle you but now I appreciate who you are.  I was stuck in my ways.  Fear-based.  Scared I wouldn’t go to heaven.  Now, I know there’s no heaven.  There are lots of imperfect souls here.  I didn’t have to be perfect.  Now, I know it’s not all about religion.  There are different realities.  I’m changing my tune.”

“I would love to be able to apologize to my children and grandchildren.  Please let them know I’m different now.”

By this time, I’ve soaked five tissues with my tears.  The reading continued for another 45 minutes.  My father and grandparents ‘spoke’ to me, primarily about personal family concerns.  And, I know, most people will read this and be highly suspect, but I choose to believe because there’s just no way anyone would know this stuff.

So, my mom, Grace, said "I'm sorry."  I've waited my whole life to hear those words.  Amazing.