Vernal Equinox

A very special day, indeed.  At least, for me.  March 20th is the day the love of my life passed on to another world.  The fact that he died on the first day of spring is perfect in a way.  The beginning of new life.  The end of suffering and pain.

It’s been 23 years ago now, but I always spend part of that day in meditation, reflecting on the beautiful life we had together.  Truly each other’s best friends, a bulwark against the greatest crisis a union must endure.

I also celebrate our children.  The fact that they lost him at such tender and vulnerable ages.  Chelsea had just turned 11 and Justin was a month away from turning 13.  I often wonder how they coped with the fact that their father died of AIDS in an era when AIDS was whispered about behind closed doors.  An era when children were refused entrance to school if they’d been exposed to the disease.

I don’t know exactly what their friends knew or didn’t know but I do know this.  The day he died, Chelsea’s entire girl scout troop showed up at our house.  At his funeral, over 70 children attended.  Justin’s friends were nothing if not protective of him, including one friend who attacked another for going after Justin.  He had to be suspended but his teachers were secretly applauding.  I never knew of one person who shunned our children.

I reflect on the fact that if Kevin had been able to hang on for another six months, he might’ve been able to survive to live a much longer life.  The cocktail was in the final stages of development when he succumbed.

Both of our children went on to have periods of personal turmoil afterwards.  Chelsea, in a moment of crisis, walked out of school.  She asked for help.  Justin, on the other hand, refused help often self medicating to diminish his personal pain.  But not only did they survive, they thrived and no mom could be prouder of all of her children than I am.  Especially, knowing what they have endured.

It is also a day for counting my blessings and being grateful for the abundance of love that surrounds me.  At this age, every day I am healthy and of sound mind is cause for celebration!

And, so, on this day, I always plan on doing something fun to remember life is for living.  Last night was no exception.  Dinner for six at the Crow’s Nest with two of my Danish Minnesota cousins and their beautiful wives.  A very special occasion on a day filled with precious memories.  To Family!!