Florida's Underbelly

You’re probably thinking I’m going to write about the fact that there are more transients in Florida than anywhere else.  Or that the crime rate here is one of the worst in the country.  The Institute for Economics and Peace found that Florida was ranked the 4th most violent state after Louisiana, Tennessee and Nevada.  Not comforting is the fact that Maryland, my other home, was ranked 10th.

But, no, I’m talking about critters like snakes and gators and the dreaded bugs.  It’s April and they’re waking up!  I know that in parts of the country the word ‘spring’ is just that...a word.  April showers?  Nope.  April blizzards.

Not here, of course.  Yes, there have been sporadic showers but, mainly, there’s humidity.  Near 90 degrees and high humidity.  Still, I am determined NOT to turn on the air conditioning.  The windows are open, the ceiling fans are going day and night.  The pool is 83 degrees....perfectly refreshing.

When Buff Honey and I moved into this house, the builder had done the minimum landscaping in the front yard...two palms, one magnolia tree, one oak, one ti plant, and 50 ugly little juniper plants.....hated it!  Okay, I’ll keep the palms and the magnolia...everything else had to go.  My grandmother had a nursery, my brother and cousin are landscapers...in fact, my whole family loves have green thumbs.

How can anyone hate an oak tree?  Trust me, I have never seen such an ugly tree in my life...scrawny branches, sporadic leaves....I think Charlie Brown would’ve even rejected it.  Threw out every juniper...they tear up your skin and they just have no personality.

We wanted color...flowers that would bloom all winter long.  Fast growers, medium growers, slow growers.  Native plants to Florida.  We wanted it all.  And, we wanted it now because we had only a few months and then we were off and they were on their own.

And, the prices were insane to a Marylander!  Cheap, cheap, cheap!  Even the mulch was ridiculous.  I was determined to get rid of that hideous red mulch...sorry to offend any reader that loves it.  You know it’s bad when they’re selling it for 50 cents for 2 cubic feet!  I like the brown, which was almost 4 times as much.  Worth it.

The backyard was worse than the front...it had two of those ugly oaks, which I promptly replaced with Pony Tail Palms, a Christmas Palm and two Pygmy Palms....not to speak of shrubs that should grow tall enough to give us some privacy around the pool and lanai.  You ask, “Why do they need privacy?”  Think about it....mmmm....we’re not dead yet!  

We went nuts at Home Depot, Lowe’s and various nurseries....filling our cars with hibiscus plants, plumbagos, bougainvilleas, boxwoods, gardenias, oleanders, allamandas.  Color???  Oh, yeah....we got pink, red, salmon, blue, yellow, white...we are blooming!

Truth be known, I hate yard work.  It kills my back but it is soooo worth the effort!  And, now, I have this partner who loves transforming the yard.

All was just peachy until this week.  Some neighbor informed us that you can’t change the landscaping without getting it approved.  Another told us the covenants state you have to have at least two other kinds of trees besides palms.  Generally, I just ignore this stuff.  Can you really fine people for improving the landscape?  Come get me.

During my daily inspection, I noticed brown spots all over the Christmas Palm leaves....
noooooo.....a fungus is among us!  One of the hibiscus is getting leggy with half eaten leaves.  Uh oh....I see mealy bugs all over another one.

My windshield has fornicating love bugs all over it.

Okay, I’m staying cool.  I’m looking on the bright side.  The pool is finally warm enough for me to do my 50 minute water aerobics workout.  Woohoo!  I’m loving it.

“Sugar, I think you should come over here.”

“I’m doing my exercise.”

“I think you’re going to want to see this.”

Reluctantly, I go over to where he’s standing and he points to a snake swimming in our pool.

I scream my bloody head off!!!!

Never mind that it’s a black snake about 7 inches long....it’s a SNAKE!!!  I run into the house and slam the sliding glass doors.

So much for the wafting breezes, the gorgeous sunsets, the pristine beaches, the lazy days....when are we going home???!!!