From the time I was three years old, my family thought I was gonna be a giant. Every time I had my annual checkup, the doctor declared I was bound to be off the charts tall. Throughout my elementary school years, I was the tallest girl in my class, except for Veenie Mae Johns who was nearly the height of the teacher when she was only 8.
I was barreling into adulthood, getting my first period in the cafeteria when I was in sixth grade. Mortifying! Obviously, one of the first. Now, I’m a woman at 11 years old. And, I had reached my full height. All of 5 feet 1 inch. Over the next three years, i went from being nearly the tallest to the absolute shortest. Everyone in my family turned out to have height but me.
I was scrawny, never approaching 100 pounds until I was in my early 30s. Everyone, including doctors, tried to fatten me up with nightly milkshakes. My diet from those years makes me shudder….bags of chips, cookies, hot dogs, hamburgers. Basically, I was a meat and potatoes kind of eater. Still didn’t put on weight.
But, it definitely caught up with me. I inherited my height and boyish body from both of my grandmothers. My paternal grandmother had five children; my maternal had four. I’ve seen pictures of them when they were very young and very slim. But, I never knew them like that. They were overweight….not grossly. Just your normal thick waists that all too often accompany aging.
Last summer when I went to see my doctor, he took one look at me and said I needed to lose 10 pounds. “You’re only 5 feet tall. Extra weight looks worse on short people.” This coming from a man who’s only 5’4” tall. Of course, he’s right and even though I know it’s true, I didn’t want to hear it from him.
But, as Dr. Phil says, the first step to resolving a problem is to admit it. That’s fine with me so I’ve gone into battle.
Yes, I work out daily with cardio walking and strength building exercises. I hate that I don’t have the muscle tone I had as a young girl. I hated my skinny arms but they actually had definition! Do you ever appreciate those things at the time?? I hate the flab now but I work on those triceps and still have hope that maybe at 70, I’ll have my definition back. Even I’m laughing at that!
I purchased a Weight Watchers scale about two years ago. It’s a smart scale that gives your body mass index as well as your weight to the tenth of a pound. I liked the BMI number….well within the healthy range. I used that scale daily, always hoping for change in the right direction. My God, I was tracking every calorie and unit of exercise every day. Well, it wasn’t cooperating and then, one day, it gave me the same weight every time I got on the scale. Didn’t matter what I had on or what time of day. It was exhausted. So, I trashed it and got an Eat Smart scale with big numbers so I can read it without my glasses. It’s moving in the right direction so I like this one better.
My vegetarian daughter encourages me to eat healthier. I even got her favorite cookbook, Passionate Vegetarian by Crescent Dragonwagon. With a name like that, you have to be more interesting than most….and she is. I made the Beet and Orange Salad with Rainforest Vinaigrette. I had never baked a real beet in my life, much less made a vinaigrette made with mango, bananas and fresh ginger. It was amazing and even BH ate it and he is not a salad guy. Next, I’m going to try a spinach salad with dried tomato vinaigrette. Already, quinoa salad is my go to! I’m trying here!
I have a favorite pair of jeans….JAG jeans. I bought a black pair a year ago and I love the fit! Of course, it has spandex….hence, the fit. I’ve been looking for a blue pair on Amazon for some time, but the only pair they seemed to have within my price range was a pull on pair. REALLY! A pull on pant?! It just evokes pull up diapers to me. I started reading the reviews and most of them were raving about these things! Finally, there was nothing else in my size or my budget, so I resorted to ordering them. They came two days later and I haven’t stopped wearing them. They are nothing if not comfortable and a perfect fit….for the waistless!
Every day, I go to battle. I fight the cheetos, the potato chips, the fries, the chocolate cake, the Easter candy. I cheer for the fruit smoothies, the whole grain tortilla chips, the fruit and veggies!
Am I winning the war? Not yet….but I will not wave the white flag!
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Keep It Simple
Who am I? Ever asked yourself that? I’ve been asking that question since the day I was conscious, I believe. I think it’s probably the most difficult question to answer. Yes, I could answer, “I’m a mom” or “I’m an educator” or “I’m a bridge player.” But, these are artificial responses. Who am I really? Who is my True Self?
I think the answer lies in the question, Why are we here? What is our calling? Our mission? I always thought my adulthood was all about overcoming my childhood. But, now I’m not sure. I think we’re here to return to what we were before we came back here. I think it’s related to being our God-ly selves….who we are when we are most whole.
I believe we are each a piece of God. We are part of God and God is part of us. Maybe God is not the right word. Maybe, it’s the Source of All Things. Maybe, it’s Love. Maybe, it’s a term that is so much vaster than we can imagine, we have no way of explaining it in its fullest sense.
What is prayer? Is it getting on our knees before going to bed and asking for what we want or asking for forgiveness? It can be. But, I think it’s more. I think it’s our heart’s intention. I think it’s a silent meditation anywhere or at anytime. I think it’s waking up grateful for another day. For me, just walking on the beach is a form of prayer.
Wouldn’t life be grand if we could live in our truest spiritual selves? That was certainly on my bucket list when I retired….work out daily, write honestly, read anything I wanted to and reflect and find my spiritual self. Ahhh….live in that perpetual nirvana-like state.
And, there’s the true struggle. Staying there. Well, I have to accept that’s just not reality. At least, for me yet. After all, we’re still in our physical bodies and dealing with humanity everywhere we turn.
I flare up at myself when I think about how I stayed longer than I should’ve in a relationship with a serial cheater. What was I thinking??? My blood pressure rises when I’m stuck behind someone driving 55 mph in a 70 mph zone on Interstate 75. I’m appalled that a 60 year old driver plowed into the front of the Venice Meat Market last week. One more Obamacare negative political ad from Florida Governor Rick Scott and I’m gonna scream!
I work out for an hour daily and watch what I eat and I’m still not losing enough weight. My empty house was on the market for months during the worst winter ever incurring costs I certainly never planned on. i grieve for all the families who have lost loved ones to gun violence or unnecessary wars.
Yep. It’s a struggle to stay in that zone of serenity. So, here’s what I think. Focus on the positive. Sure, everyone has issues but there is so much beauty.
Look at your children and just envelope yourself in the joy they bring you. Watch a sunset. Take a hike in the mountains. Is there anything like the fragrance of a magnolia in bloom or the taste of a home grown tomato? How satisfying to finish a great book or to hear a grandchild’s first word!
Is there anything more significant in our lives than who you love or who loves you? Love yourself for being the beautiful person you are with all your idiosyncrasies and foibles.
I think we are constantly reinventing ourselves and trying to move closer to our True Selves. Live in Joy. You are completely surrounded!
I think the answer lies in the question, Why are we here? What is our calling? Our mission? I always thought my adulthood was all about overcoming my childhood. But, now I’m not sure. I think we’re here to return to what we were before we came back here. I think it’s related to being our God-ly selves….who we are when we are most whole.
I believe we are each a piece of God. We are part of God and God is part of us. Maybe God is not the right word. Maybe, it’s the Source of All Things. Maybe, it’s Love. Maybe, it’s a term that is so much vaster than we can imagine, we have no way of explaining it in its fullest sense.
What is prayer? Is it getting on our knees before going to bed and asking for what we want or asking for forgiveness? It can be. But, I think it’s more. I think it’s our heart’s intention. I think it’s a silent meditation anywhere or at anytime. I think it’s waking up grateful for another day. For me, just walking on the beach is a form of prayer.
Wouldn’t life be grand if we could live in our truest spiritual selves? That was certainly on my bucket list when I retired….work out daily, write honestly, read anything I wanted to and reflect and find my spiritual self. Ahhh….live in that perpetual nirvana-like state.
And, there’s the true struggle. Staying there. Well, I have to accept that’s just not reality. At least, for me yet. After all, we’re still in our physical bodies and dealing with humanity everywhere we turn.
I flare up at myself when I think about how I stayed longer than I should’ve in a relationship with a serial cheater. What was I thinking??? My blood pressure rises when I’m stuck behind someone driving 55 mph in a 70 mph zone on Interstate 75. I’m appalled that a 60 year old driver plowed into the front of the Venice Meat Market last week. One more Obamacare negative political ad from Florida Governor Rick Scott and I’m gonna scream!
I work out for an hour daily and watch what I eat and I’m still not losing enough weight. My empty house was on the market for months during the worst winter ever incurring costs I certainly never planned on. i grieve for all the families who have lost loved ones to gun violence or unnecessary wars.
Yep. It’s a struggle to stay in that zone of serenity. So, here’s what I think. Focus on the positive. Sure, everyone has issues but there is so much beauty.
Look at your children and just envelope yourself in the joy they bring you. Watch a sunset. Take a hike in the mountains. Is there anything like the fragrance of a magnolia in bloom or the taste of a home grown tomato? How satisfying to finish a great book or to hear a grandchild’s first word!
Is there anything more significant in our lives than who you love or who loves you? Love yourself for being the beautiful person you are with all your idiosyncrasies and foibles.
I think we are constantly reinventing ourselves and trying to move closer to our True Selves. Live in Joy. You are completely surrounded!
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Driver Madness
Down here in southwest Florida, you take your life in your hands just walking through the parking lot into Costco’s. Just yesterday, BH & I were almost run down by a driver backing out of his parking spot. Drunk? No. Juvenile delinquent? No. Old and oblivious? Yes!
Sad to say, it’s a common headline here. A week ago around midnight, a 91 year old man driving southbound in the northbound land of Interstate 75 crashed head on into a Ford Explorer. Both drivers died. Stop and think about it. Why is a 91 year old out on the highway at that hour? I can’t even think about driving at night anymore. Even my 43 year old daughter swears she won’t drive at night. This area closes up shop very early. Was he hanging out at the after hours clubs? Running away from home? I know. Totally disrespectful, but…..it makes you wonder about these things.
In February after church, a 79 year old woman backing up a 7000 pound Tahoe mistook the brake pedal for the gas pedal and mowed down seven people, killing three of them. She ended up in a river unhurt. Her license was suspended for a year and she paid a $1000 fine. In 2011, she did the same thing in Michigan plowing into a lobby of a McDonald’s. Nothing happened…no fine….no suspended license…no adjudication at all!
But, doesn’t every family have its own share of driving horror stories? My great grandmother, Lizzie, drove her Model T into her 80s until she had a fatal collision. Her son, John, my grandfather, was a notoriously bad driver. He smoked nonstop, fiddling constantly with his CB radio. He was one of those rev up, hit the brakes kind of driver, putting the fear of God into his passengers, fellow drivers and even pedestrians.
John used to race the six miles down Orange Avenue from Pine Castle to his job in Orlando. One of my mother’s high school friends, who later became my uncle, had no car back in the 40s, so he would walk the six miles along the same route. He was so terrified of getting in the car with my grandfather, he would hide behind bushes if he saw him coming.
My own father wasn’t all that great either. He didn’t believe in driving the speed limit. He drove slower and even slower as age set in. The scariest thing he did was fall asleep at the wheel. My mom wouldn’t dream of taking a nap or reading a book. Her job was to keep him awake! Even worse was the time in his mid-60s when he had a heart attack while driving to work. For weeks, it was touch and go but he lived to tell the tale and continued driving!! Then, they moved to the mountains which made him dizzy and nauseous. I think my mom put the kibosh on his driving about a year before he passed at age 90.
My brother hates driving. I don’t even think about asking him to drive to see me in Maryland or Florida. He lives in North Carolina as does my mother. I think he’s driven to her house once in the past 10 years.
Then, there’s my mom. She is a trooper. She’s turning 89 this year, still toodling around in her little blue 2004 PT Cruiser. Actually, she’s always been a good driver and for years thought nothing of driving long distances. I got those genes! Last October, she had to get her license renewed but couldn’t pass the eye exam. She was in shock! She’s always had the best eyesight in the family! Never needed even reading glasses! I did not get those genes.
Come to find out she had cataracts and had to have them removed. My mother is not enamored with doctors. She claims she’s never had an ache in her life. What does she need a doctor for? Surgery on her eyes? If I was a betting woman, I would’ve bet she’d never get those cataracts removed. But, she did. Just so she could pass that driver’s test! And, amazingly, her eyesight is perfect again.
For years, I’ve traveled up and down the east coast never giving it a second thought. Just put on an audio book or Sirius XM and I’m good to go for hours. Generally, I don’t get tired. I just rest or fuel up on coffee. Last year, I was fretting over the Florida driver’s test….mainly, the vision part. But, I passed so I’m on the road for another few years.
One day, the party will be over for me, too. But, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. Meanwhile, I’ll be wearing a suit of armor crossing the parking lot!
Sad to say, it’s a common headline here. A week ago around midnight, a 91 year old man driving southbound in the northbound land of Interstate 75 crashed head on into a Ford Explorer. Both drivers died. Stop and think about it. Why is a 91 year old out on the highway at that hour? I can’t even think about driving at night anymore. Even my 43 year old daughter swears she won’t drive at night. This area closes up shop very early. Was he hanging out at the after hours clubs? Running away from home? I know. Totally disrespectful, but…..it makes you wonder about these things.
In February after church, a 79 year old woman backing up a 7000 pound Tahoe mistook the brake pedal for the gas pedal and mowed down seven people, killing three of them. She ended up in a river unhurt. Her license was suspended for a year and she paid a $1000 fine. In 2011, she did the same thing in Michigan plowing into a lobby of a McDonald’s. Nothing happened…no fine….no suspended license…no adjudication at all!
But, doesn’t every family have its own share of driving horror stories? My great grandmother, Lizzie, drove her Model T into her 80s until she had a fatal collision. Her son, John, my grandfather, was a notoriously bad driver. He smoked nonstop, fiddling constantly with his CB radio. He was one of those rev up, hit the brakes kind of driver, putting the fear of God into his passengers, fellow drivers and even pedestrians.
John used to race the six miles down Orange Avenue from Pine Castle to his job in Orlando. One of my mother’s high school friends, who later became my uncle, had no car back in the 40s, so he would walk the six miles along the same route. He was so terrified of getting in the car with my grandfather, he would hide behind bushes if he saw him coming.
My own father wasn’t all that great either. He didn’t believe in driving the speed limit. He drove slower and even slower as age set in. The scariest thing he did was fall asleep at the wheel. My mom wouldn’t dream of taking a nap or reading a book. Her job was to keep him awake! Even worse was the time in his mid-60s when he had a heart attack while driving to work. For weeks, it was touch and go but he lived to tell the tale and continued driving!! Then, they moved to the mountains which made him dizzy and nauseous. I think my mom put the kibosh on his driving about a year before he passed at age 90.
My brother hates driving. I don’t even think about asking him to drive to see me in Maryland or Florida. He lives in North Carolina as does my mother. I think he’s driven to her house once in the past 10 years.
Then, there’s my mom. She is a trooper. She’s turning 89 this year, still toodling around in her little blue 2004 PT Cruiser. Actually, she’s always been a good driver and for years thought nothing of driving long distances. I got those genes! Last October, she had to get her license renewed but couldn’t pass the eye exam. She was in shock! She’s always had the best eyesight in the family! Never needed even reading glasses! I did not get those genes.
Come to find out she had cataracts and had to have them removed. My mother is not enamored with doctors. She claims she’s never had an ache in her life. What does she need a doctor for? Surgery on her eyes? If I was a betting woman, I would’ve bet she’d never get those cataracts removed. But, she did. Just so she could pass that driver’s test! And, amazingly, her eyesight is perfect again.
For years, I’ve traveled up and down the east coast never giving it a second thought. Just put on an audio book or Sirius XM and I’m good to go for hours. Generally, I don’t get tired. I just rest or fuel up on coffee. Last year, I was fretting over the Florida driver’s test….mainly, the vision part. But, I passed so I’m on the road for another few years.
One day, the party will be over for me, too. But, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. Meanwhile, I’ll be wearing a suit of armor crossing the parking lot!
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Retirement Uniform
I have always loved clothes. To think of what I’ve spent during this lifetime makes me shudder. Never have I bought designer stuff. Definitely way out of my league, but I have certainly enriched Ann Taylor, Eileen Fisher, Talbot’s, and Garnett Hill quite generously. Happy birthday to me several times a year.
Of course, I was working then, needing a ‘professional’ wardrobe with goo gobs of shoes, purses, accessories. That wardrobe filled two walk-in closets. Some of it I wore constantly; some of it I rarely wore. Didn’t like it after I got it home. Too tight. Too loose.
I prided myself on cleaning out my closets every spring and fall. God only knows how much I gave to Goodwill. And, I didn’t think twice about it. I’m sure I would sob if I added up how much those clothes cost that I cavalierly gave away. At least, someone could surely use them, I’d rationalize.
Then, I retired. I emptied those closets like a madwoman. I am never going back to my day job. I kept almost nothing. A few tops, sweaters, pairs of pants. A couple of dresses, one suit. Two bathing suits. I buy nothing nor can I afford to. This week I am salivating over the Sundance catalog. I love every piece of jewelry in there. Secretly, I am coveting a top in there that I will gift myself if my house actually goes to settlement this month. If not, oh well….the prices are nothing less than obscene anyway.
I have a retirement uniform. Every morning, I get up and put on a black beach dress with a white starfish on the front. I bought it at Fresh Produce in Hilton Head probably 10 years ago. If I don’t have to go anywhere, I’ll wear if all day. Remember the ‘house dresses’ our stay-at-home mothers used to wear everyday? It’s a step up from that….barely. But, I love it. I make my coffee, read the paper and then move on to my daily workout.
I change into my other uniform: my Life Is Good yoga pants and matching Good Karma tee shirt. I’ve owned them forever…found the pants in North Carolina, and the shirt in Utah. Truly, the most comfortable clothes ever. The down side is I can’t wear them in public. The pants have a tear across the back end and the shirt is stained with blueberry juice. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve tried to find them on eBay or anywhere on the internet. Life is Good stopped making the Good Karma line, so I’m out of luck. I still love them.
Does BH care? Are you kidding me? He thinks whatever I wear is charming, if not sexy. But, then, his retirement uniform is some Orioles give away tee shirt and cut off jeans from Walmart. I think he’s only wore long jeans down here twice in six months. We are the epitome of country casual. Or maybe just country.
That shoe fetish I had is over. Now, I wear Sanuk yoga mat flip flops. Made from yoga mats, very cushiony….very good for wearing on tile floors. If I dress up, I wear the yoga mat one inch heels. Am I a sexy senior or what?
I remember my love coach suggested I wear scoop neck tops in warm colors. I think the point was to be a tad bit suggestive, show some cleavage. The assumption being I had some cleavage. Ha! Where’s my Wonderbra? Well….I didn’t wear the low neck tops, invest in push-up bras or dye my hair.
And, somehow, I ended up just fine being me, living a good life in my very ‘relaxed’ beach dress, flopping around in my yoga mat sandals. I don’t miss that wardrobe one bit!
Of course, I was working then, needing a ‘professional’ wardrobe with goo gobs of shoes, purses, accessories. That wardrobe filled two walk-in closets. Some of it I wore constantly; some of it I rarely wore. Didn’t like it after I got it home. Too tight. Too loose.
I prided myself on cleaning out my closets every spring and fall. God only knows how much I gave to Goodwill. And, I didn’t think twice about it. I’m sure I would sob if I added up how much those clothes cost that I cavalierly gave away. At least, someone could surely use them, I’d rationalize.
Then, I retired. I emptied those closets like a madwoman. I am never going back to my day job. I kept almost nothing. A few tops, sweaters, pairs of pants. A couple of dresses, one suit. Two bathing suits. I buy nothing nor can I afford to. This week I am salivating over the Sundance catalog. I love every piece of jewelry in there. Secretly, I am coveting a top in there that I will gift myself if my house actually goes to settlement this month. If not, oh well….the prices are nothing less than obscene anyway.
I have a retirement uniform. Every morning, I get up and put on a black beach dress with a white starfish on the front. I bought it at Fresh Produce in Hilton Head probably 10 years ago. If I don’t have to go anywhere, I’ll wear if all day. Remember the ‘house dresses’ our stay-at-home mothers used to wear everyday? It’s a step up from that….barely. But, I love it. I make my coffee, read the paper and then move on to my daily workout.
I change into my other uniform: my Life Is Good yoga pants and matching Good Karma tee shirt. I’ve owned them forever…found the pants in North Carolina, and the shirt in Utah. Truly, the most comfortable clothes ever. The down side is I can’t wear them in public. The pants have a tear across the back end and the shirt is stained with blueberry juice. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve tried to find them on eBay or anywhere on the internet. Life is Good stopped making the Good Karma line, so I’m out of luck. I still love them.
Does BH care? Are you kidding me? He thinks whatever I wear is charming, if not sexy. But, then, his retirement uniform is some Orioles give away tee shirt and cut off jeans from Walmart. I think he’s only wore long jeans down here twice in six months. We are the epitome of country casual. Or maybe just country.
That shoe fetish I had is over. Now, I wear Sanuk yoga mat flip flops. Made from yoga mats, very cushiony….very good for wearing on tile floors. If I dress up, I wear the yoga mat one inch heels. Am I a sexy senior or what?
I remember my love coach suggested I wear scoop neck tops in warm colors. I think the point was to be a tad bit suggestive, show some cleavage. The assumption being I had some cleavage. Ha! Where’s my Wonderbra? Well….I didn’t wear the low neck tops, invest in push-up bras or dye my hair.
And, somehow, I ended up just fine being me, living a good life in my very ‘relaxed’ beach dress, flopping around in my yoga mat sandals. I don’t miss that wardrobe one bit!
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